January 27, 2007 Giving victims a voice By MILLETE BIRHANEMASKEL,
With task force and training, ET ministry leaders of various faiths uniting to speak out against domestic violence It was almost the death of her, but Mary Hawk was determined to keep her promise the second time around.
She vowed before God to honor and cherish her husband no matter what, and she would not "lie to Him again," by ending the union in another divorce.
So for eight years, she withstood the beatings and made excuses for her husband's behavior. She even made accommodations for the abuse - in one instance asking her dentist to remove her bottom teeth to prevent him from knocking them out one by one.
In desperation after he brandished a gun and threatened to kill her and their two children, Hawk turned to her minister. But that only left her more confused.
She said the minister told her a woman should cleave to her husband.
"Even if he is about to kill you?" Hawk said she asked.
Her minister's haunting answer was, "He is the head of the household."
Therein lies the problem, David Kitts will tell you.
Victims of domestic violence "are turning to the faith community," Kitts said. "(And) they're getting mixed messages, (such as) 'Oh, well, if you just pray about it and go back to your relationship, everything will be OK.'"
Today and Sunday, at the pulpit or in their respective places of worship, area clergy from several denominations and faiths will band together to speak out against domestic violence.
Kitts, who works in the Knoxville Police Department, has helped lead training services for the interfaith Clergy Task Force Against Family Violence.
He said more than 17,000 9-1-1 calls reporting domestic violence were placed in 2005, and 2,000 orders of protection were granted.
Twelve people, including four children, were murdered.
Ministry doesn't have a good reputation dealing with domestic violence, said G. David Lovett, a pastoral counselor whose practice includes using spiritual resources as well as psychological understanding for healing and growth. The task force hopes to change this trend.
Various faith leaders who spoke during recent training stressed the importance of forgiveness only after repentance. Others talked about women who feel guilty leaving their marriage - such as in Hawk's case.
"Women feel bound to the marriage covenant, (but) abuse is a sin," said Sister Margaret Pam Neal. "By staying in the relationship, you're allowing the sin to continue."
When no one else relayed the message to Hawk, she said God intervened for her directly. It happened the day her husband told her to line up with their children in the back yard because he was going to kill them.
"I used to hear people say God spoke to them, and I thought they were insane until He spoke to me," Hawk said. "I heard it in my heart. He said, 'Girl, you better run.'"
Hawk said she ran across Tazewell Pike barefoot and crawled through a field until she stopped and rang the doorbell of a house.
She never returned home after that day. Hawk said her husband went on to abuse girlfriends and died four years later from a massive heart attack.
Hawk doesn't blame her minister. She figures he just didn't know what to do.
Hawk finds solace in sharing her story in public when she is invited, or with women she counsels at the nonprofit Volunteer Ministry Center, where she said probably four out of 10 women experience abuse.
About the clergy task force, she said: "It's unbelievable. It's a turnaround that people are acknowledging this. There is hope."
